Songwriting II……

Sorry for the delay….. Reference back to the original “Songwriting” Post for how this came about (I will put a link here as soon as I remember how!)….. I like Jek’s idea of “tightening-up” the lyrics….. I had thought of it, and was planning to do it in the editing phase…. The first two verses will have to be “tightened-up” to match the chorus’s and the 3rd verse….. Here’s what we got so far…..

Verse 1:
Sunís up – No sleep for many a night, (MR)
Sunís down – Time for a night on the town, (Robo)
Late nights can keep a good man down, (Sunn – edit MR)
Easy money and Bagdad Knights, (Anon and Robo)
First Class on the next LA flight… (MR)

Verse 2:
Alarmís ringing and soís my head, (MR)
Can I make it to Seattle, or be better off dead?, (Sunn)
They dumped me on this plane, (Anon)
Now Iím on the only train, (Robo)
And the alarm keeps ringing in my head… (Anon)

Chorus 1 (Edit by Jek):
Lifeís been ordinary, (MR)
Everything in place, (MR)
Alarm ringing my head, (MR)
Canít keep (the) pace. (MR)

Verse 3:
Locked in a bean ward, (Anon)
Tied to this bed, (Anon)
What can you say, (Sunn)
when allís been said, (Sunn)
Still ringing my head…. (MR)

START HERE – NEED VERSE 4….

-Then Chorus 2 (Edit by Jek)
Lifeís been ordinary, (MR)
Canít stand the pace, (Anon)
Alarm ringing my head, (MR)
Out of place…. (Anon)

Then maybe a repeat of Chorus 1 and/or more verses…. We’ll see where it goes….

9 Responses to “Songwriting II……”

  1. Lookin’ out the window

  2. Can’t see whether or not I’m dead

  3. Cause that alarm’s gone dead in my head

  4. Verse 4 seems to go this way (with a little edit by MR):

    Lookin’ out the window, (Izard)
    To see if I’m dead, (Robo – MR edit)
    Alarm’s gone from my head, (Sunn – MR edit)
    Am I alive – Am I well?, (MR)
    Only time will tell…… (MR)

    Look this over….. Make any suggestions/changes, then, we need to decide if we need more verses or not, and then, go back and “tighten-up” verses 1 and 2 to match….. Getting closer…..

    Next Composer, Please…….

  5. Alarmís gone from my head, (Sunn – MR edit)
    Am I alive – Am I well?, (MR)
    Only time can tellÖÖ (MR Robo edit)

  6. Change out “Only time can tell” for “This place looks like hell”.

  7. How about we change out “Only time will tell” for a modified version of Jek’s, as in: “This place feels like Hell”…..? I like “feels” over “looks” because you are looking out the window, so, we bring in another sense…… 4th Verse would look like this:

    Lookiní out the window, (Izard)
    To see if Iím dead, (Robo – MR edit)
    Alarmís gone from my head, (Sunn – MR edit)
    Am I alive – Am I well?, (MR)
    This place feels like HellÖÖ (Jek – MR edit)

    Of course, we could go with Robo’s edit of my line….. I usually find if you let the lyrics set a day or two, and then go back to them, you have a different outlook on them……

    We need to decide if we want more verses, or, are we ready to edit the first two verses and start assembling this mess?…..

    Next “Twisted Finger”, Please……

  8. Time to edit I think.

  9. I agree with Anon….. I think it’s time to move on to editing the lyrics, and then start on the music, which, might cause further editing of the lyrics, but, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it….

    Check the new Post for editing……

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