Songwriting III-Lyric Edit…..

Time to edit this “Twisted Fingers” mess…. We’ll start the editing in the comment section so that this Post doesn’t take a lot of room from the main page of the Blog…… Reference back to the other Songwriting Posts (I and II) to see how we got to this point….. If you haven’t been involved in this, you should check it all out, and, get involved….. You don’t have to be a musician to know what you like…..

16 Responses to “Songwriting III-Lyric Edit…..”

  1. As of now, “Twisted Fingers” seems to have the following members: Jek, Izard, Robo, Anon, Sunn and MR….. I know RtG has been busy moving, so, if he doesn’t get involved in the writing, we may force him to sing the bloody thing!….. And, where is J.J.?….. Maybe he’s just planning on drumming on the composition….. Jek and maybe Robo on some keyboards…… Izard and Sunn on Bass….. And, last, but not least, Anon and MR on Guitars….

    Now to the edit:

    Verse 1 (as is)
    Sunís up – No sleep for many a night, (MR)
    Sunís down – Time for a night on the town, (Robo)
    Late nights can keep a good man down, (Sunn – edit MR)
    Easy money and Bagdad Knights, (Anon and Robo)
    First Class on the next LA flightÖ (MR)

    Verse 1 (MR edit)
    Sunís up – sleepless nights, (MR)
    Sunís down – Head for town, (Robo)
    Late nights push a man down, (Sunn – edit MR)
    Easy money – Bagdad Knights, (Anon and Robo)
    Back on the Seattle flightÖ (MR)

    Same thing – Look it over and make your suggestions for the edit…..

    Next “Finger” please……

  2. Have we decided what genre this song will be. That would greatly influence the lyrical content.
    P.S. I’m only contributing lyrics, since I have not played anything in years.

  3. On the genre, I was thinking Country is out….. There’s no mention of dogs, Mama, Prisons, Railroads, Bars, Pool Tables, Female Cousins, etc…… Maybe Pop Rock, something like Eagles, Tom Petty, even Dylan, or we could go Alternative and basically make it one to two chords for the whole thing….. I’ll get my guitar out and mess with it and see what happens, although it looks as if everyone has lost interest at this point…. Tomorrow, I will edit the second verse and then assemble it and see what reactions I get…..

  4. Here’s my edit for Verse 2:

    Verse 2 (MR edit):
    Alarmís ringing my head, (MR)
    Is it Seattle, or am I dead?, (Sunn)
    Dumped on this plane, (Anon)
    Now Iím on the train, (Robo)
    Alarm keeps ringing my headÖ (Anon)

    Same thing – Look it over and make your suggestions for the editÖ..

    Any “Twisted” suggestions?…… Tomorrow I will assemble the lyrics for review…….

  5. Here’s a rough edit of “Life” (working title)….. See what you think writers….. You will notice I “tweeked” it some more….. I’ll leave it up for a few days to see if anyone wants to change things while I work on the music some….

    LIFE

    Verse 1 (MR edit)
    Sunís up – sleepless nights, (MR)
    Sunís down – go for town, (Robo)
    Up late pushes you down, (Sunn – edit MR)
    Uneasy money – Bagdad Knights, (Anon and Robo)
    Dreams on the Seattle flight… (MR)

    Verse 2 (MR edit):
    Alarmís ringing my head, (MR)
    Is it Seattle, or am I dead?, (Sunn)
    Dumped on this plane, (Anon)
    Now Iím on the train, (Robo)
    Alarm keeps ringing my head… (Anon)

    Chorus 1 (Edit by Jek):
    Lifeís been ordinary, (MR)
    Everything in place, (MR)
    Alarm ringing my head, (MR)
    Canít see my face… (MR)

    Verse 3:
    Locked in a bean ward, (Anon)
    Tied to this bed, (Anon)
    What can you say, (Sunn)
    when allís been said, (Sunn)
    Still ringing my head… (MR)

    Verse 4:
    Lookiní out the window, (Izard)
    To see if Iím dead, (Robo – MR edit)
    Alarmís gone from my head, (Sunn – MR edit)
    Am I alive – Am I well?, (MR)
    This place feels like Hell… (Jek – MR edit)

    Chorus 2 (Edit by Jek)
    Lifeís been ordinary, (MR)
    Canít stand the pace, (Anon)
    Alarm ringing my head, (MR)
    Get out of this place… (Anon)

    REPEAT VERSE 1….

    REPEAT CHORUS 1….

    Still ringing my head… (MR)
    Still ringing my head… (MR)

  6. Still “Ringing my head” waiting for comments…… Let’s hear some “Yeah’s” or “Nay’s” – Whatta ya say?…….

  7. I’m Right here, And yes I’m just going to write the percussion track when we get to that phase. Plus I just got home. I like the Eagles style for it. More Glen Frye kinda than Don Henley.

  8. After careful consideration, Ringing works. I’m thinking more of a dark ballad not really Eaglesish more Bob Seeger, Turn the pageish. The story of a soldier that becomes an entertainer and is haunted by the ghosts of war and the road. Let me know when you get a basic track laid down so I can develop a percussion track.

  9. Verse 1 (Robo edit)
    Sunís up – sleepless Knights, (MR)
    Sunís down – go to town, (Robo)
    Up late pulls you down, (Sunn – edit MR)
    Uneasy money – Bagdad Knights, (Anon and Robo)
    Dreams on the Seattle flightÖ (MR)

  10. That’ll work too….. I’m going to work on some basic rhythm tracks this week-end, which, may warrant some minor lyric changes to make everything mesh together….. Hopefully, I can get my recording software working properly… Argh!….. anyone got a super fast laptop that want to donate to the cause?…..

  11. Change “bean ward” to ” in the back ward”

    still ringing “in” my head

    “last” train

    “Alarms”….plural

    “Alarms”still ringing in my head

    Seattle isn’t easy to say. Maybe another city.

    Thanks for the attribution but, I didnt write the pace/place lines.

  12. I went back to the original “Songwriting” Post and you’re right, I wrote the lines, but, in comment 22, you edited them, which I used as the 2nd Chorus….. So, I guess it should have been noted as “MR – Anon Edit”….

    1. I still like “bean ward” – you have to think about what it is…..
    2. I had the “in” in the lines at first – Jek took them out, and, I thought it indicated you head was “really” ringing, not just inside….
    3. “last” train would work…..
    4. “Alarms” – I’m taking it that you want it to mean a “warning in your mind” as opposed to an actual alarm clock going off?…..
    5. What city is easier to say?….. Guess we could go back to using L.A…….

    This week-end I’ll see how all this fits with some music…. Like I said, there will be changes to make the music and lyrics work together……

  13. I believe LA has been used in far too many songs. Just my opinion.
    Quite a bit of lyrical content will depend on phrasing & timing of the lyrics. Of course you have to have the chord progression, to figure out what does or does not fit.

  14. 2. What does Jek know.

    4. Yes.

    5. Yes, L.A. too used. No idea what…. something that fits??? (Seattle is a white man’s attempt to pronounce an indian name.)

    Quite right Mr. Sunn.

  15. Chords and maybe an MP3 coming after this week-end – No Iron-Clad guarantee – Soon at the very least…… Any suggestions before I muck it up?……

    How about Walla-Walla (a little 3-Stooges humor there), or, Moscow (a little “Back in the U.S.S.R.” tribute)?….. Maybe the right “State” of mind will pop-up when it’s put to music…..

    Yeah, Just what does Jek know?…….

  16. Hey! How come I’m the butt here? I was just making my contribution as any of you. How about this?

    Woke up this morning
    Checked MR’s blog
    Found my name in flames
    Felt like a real dog

    Then I realized
    That the evil ones spreading
    Knew less than a can of peas
    And had shells for bedding

    Pushed a comment back
    With a load of what I thought
    Finished up my coffee
    That’s all I got

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